Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
vagina is talking i cant
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
