you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
