Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
