in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Are we still banned from the library?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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