This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
