he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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