well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize