don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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