I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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