Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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