He felt like a one man threesome
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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