**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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