you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
