I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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