If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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