At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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