Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
