From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
