He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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