I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm getting married
To pizza
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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