and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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