WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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