So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize