I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
