Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
