remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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