shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
