Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
