White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
