I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
