i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
