I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
