I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
