i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
