i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
