so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
