awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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