i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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