Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
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