covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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