I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Randomize
