Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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