dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
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