know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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