I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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