when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
