You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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