PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
