I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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