were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
