i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
