I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize