I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
