took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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