Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The power of my boobs compel you
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
