According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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