what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
There r osticjed everywhere
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
