i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
