I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
