walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
