the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
