Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
