Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
