jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
