like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
