If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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