sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
