sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
