The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
