I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
